Chapter Three - continued
She takes a long gaze into his deep thoughtful eyes, his best physical trait in her opinion, those eyes that could stare down a tiger and yet soften to express such intense compassion. And he takes her gaze in, exclaiming an inner gasp of wonder at how incredibly beautifully the light struck off her eyes, glistening pearls that haunted him even in the bright of day.

Clasping her hand he exhales, gathering courage for what must be a momentous decision. After all, he’d known Rachel for years and throughout those years they’d been playing a game of cat and mouse, here and there reversing roles it would seem - with neither quite gaining the upper hand, never quite coming into synchrony.

And for all the spent feeling he’d used up on her, of which he was sure she’d gone through the same, perhaps, just perhaps, their play of attraction and repulsion was what really drove them to that emotional sado-masochism of their own making. They were both willing participants in sessions of torment. Torturer and tortured turning the tables on each other.

With the greatest regret he forms the words in his head, bracing himself for something he’d never thought he would do, not with Rachel, of all the people on earth he’d never consciously hurt Rachel. But before John begins to speak, Rachel senses the shift in sentiment happening before her, and clutches John’s limp hands in a last ditch attempt, fearing the worst, holding on to something she knew was slipping away.
John can only secede. It was something too harsh and too terrible to put into words but the damage had already been done.

“Rachel, I love you and I don’t want to lose you. I couldn’t bear to be without you in my life and I’d rather have you by my side as my dearest friend than risk throwing it all away.”

Rachel starts to argue, denial clouding her judgement but John intercedes. “That’s how I feel now. I don’t know, you know me, things change in time. The only thing I know right now is that I’m tired, I’m taking a break from relationships, I’m reevaluating my life. And even if I’m ready who’s to say you will be too?”

He sees the hurt in her eyes, the loss she was feeling and it was a mirror image of himself not too many aeons ago in that exact same situation reversed.

- posted by Bran @ 11:29 AM